I've never really taken a risk before. For the most part, I have lived my life a little on the safe side. I went to school; I got my degrees; I got a good paying job. And for the most part, playing it safe has worked for me. Seriously, good job, supportive family, awesomely crazy friends; I am beyond blessed and I acknowledge that this is because I stayed on the little straight and narrow. So why as I approached my 29th birthday a few days ago did I feel this pang of anxiety and mild dissatisfaction that my life didn't feel like my own?
This is not where I start whining and complaining because generally, I am happy about my life. But the truth is I have lived within the expectations of my family that I forgot about myself. Everything I have done up until now has been about fulfilling this image of who I was expected to grow up to be from school to career. As a result, I became dispassionate about the direction of my life and I felt like I had zero control over almost everything ... except over my health and my drive to be fit. The only time I felt powerful and strong was working out and eating right and encouraging my friends to run or workout with me, just being healthy; it's the only time I feel like the "real me". And that brings us to this point. I am 29 years old and a baby fitness coach for Beachbody because I want to feel like the "real me" all the time & I want others to feel the same way. This is honestly the first real risk I have ever taken & yes, I am a little scared of failure; but I am also totally excited and 100% happy. This one-- this risk-- is for me.
I'm going to be real with everyone; being healthy and fit is not something that comes naturally to me. I'm Filipino; we eat freaking carbs daily and my parents did not exactly preach that exercise was my friend. Suffice to say, I was a chubby kid; literally my nicknames were Porkchop and Miss Piggy in elementary school. This fundamentally warped my body image through my formative years that as teen and even my early 20s, I was so hyperfocused on being skinny that I went on crash diet after crash diet and took so many diet "miracle" pills. Sure, sometimes I would lose weight but I would always gain it back and the sick cycle of shattered self-esteem would start all over again. I don't think that it was until the final break up with my college boyfriend (don't we all have one of those where you break up alot) did I start to develop a healthy relationship with exercise; in mental health speak (I also work in a mental clinic), I used exercise as a coping skill. Soon after, I saw results but knew that without the right eating habits that my results were not sustainable so that changed too and so did I. Yeah, I got a little hotter but I got healthier. The gym and food were no longer the enemy, and I definitely sucked when I started working out & eating well. There were & are slip ups (ugh this week especially) but I keep trying and that is the biggest part of the battle.
I hope y'all stick with me on this journey and I even help a few along the way.
Ria xx
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